With over 300 years of collective experience helping clients through the divorce process, we have seen our fair share of spouses who are hard to deal with. Custody Queens has mastered techniques to encourage cooperation during divorce, but even after everything is finalized, former partners often need to navigate ongoing issues—especially when children are involved.
So, what can you do if your ex refuses to get a new mortgage for a home they’re supposed to take over, neglects alimony payments, or completely ignores the parenting plan? We help clients with both informal and formal legal solutions to these problems. Here’s how you can deal with a difficult ex in California.
Assess the Problems
Before diving into strategies, it’s crucial to understand the core issues. Communication is often a major stumbling block. Some exes seem to turn every conversation—whether verbal or written—into a battle. Others might bring up irrelevant old arguments, making any dialogue unproductive. And some will go silent, ignoring texts, emails, and phone calls altogether.
But communication isn’t the only problem. Your ex might be making promises they don’t keep or blaming you—or worse, your children—for everything that’s wrong in their life. Pinpointing specific issues will help you address them effectively.
Keep Records
Whatever the problem, keeping thorough records is essential. Save every email, text message, and any other communication, even if it goes unanswered. Make sure you store them with date and time stamps for accuracy.
Records can help professionals like therapists analyze patterns, isolate problems, and develop coping strategies. If things escalate to a point where legal action is necessary—such as modifying a parenting plan or enforcing property division—these records can serve as vital evidence. Plus, having a detailed log of interactions can give you some control over the situation, providing a sense of empowerment.
Take Steps to Set Boundaries
Often, ongoing problems stem from unresolved anger and resentment. While you can’t stop your ex from feeling these emotions, you can set boundaries on how they express them to you. Here are a few strategies that can help limit negative interactions:
- Stick to phone, text, or email communication. Face-to-face meetings are harder to control, and things can escalate quickly. Pay attention to your body language and keep it neutral if you do have in-person conversations.
- Write out a rough script of talking points before communicating. You don’t need to follow it word-for-word, but bullet points can keep the discussion focused and productive.
- Find common ground, even if it’s small. Acknowledging just 1% of what your ex says can make them more open to hearing you out on the other 99%.
- Set up a communication routine. If you need to coordinate regularly (like for your kids’ schedules), schedule a standing phone call or email check-in. If they call outside that time, politely defer the conversation until the scheduled slot.
- Don’t get baited into arguments. When your ex says something outrageous, don’t take the bait. Disengage instead. It’s tough, but it works.
Talk to Your Attorney to See if Legal Action Is Necessary
If your ex is behind on child support or alimony, not completing property division tasks, or refusing to follow the child custody arrangement, it may be time to consider legal action. Don’t wait until things reach a breaking point. Sometimes, a phone call or letter from your attorney is enough to prompt action. If not, going to court and seeking a contempt order or making new arrangements may be necessary. A skilled family law attorney can walk you through your options and help you secure the resolution and respect you deserve.
At Custody Queens, we work hard to prevent issues from the start of the divorce process, but we know problems can still arise long after everything is finalized. We’re ready to help you enforce your rights—whether through informal negotiation or formal court action. For a confidential discussion about post-divorce assistance, schedule a consultation with our Certified Family Law Specialists today.
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